1) "Chuck E. Cheese is nice. But I do not like him." Just because something or someone is considered pleasant by others does not mean you must enjoy it. Make your own choices.
2) "A monkey stole my yogurt. He ate it all!" If you are still hungry after snack time, perhaps you should have eaten a more substantial snack.
3) "Don't tell me 'go on timeout' mommy! That's not nice! You go on timeout mommy!" The house always wins, unless of course the house is up against a tiny human being with the brain of an expensive attorney.
4) "It's not in my mouth. It's just touching my lips." Please see lesson number 3.
5) If you're in trouble, kicking a cat (or an underling) does not make anything better. It just leaves you with scratches on your leg.
6) "A cookie makes it all better." Seriously, there are very few things that don't seem more rosy when you have a freshly baked cookie in each hand.
7) Don't trust men that hit on mothers in grocery stores. Glare at them reproachfully until they back away and leave your mother alone.
8) "Bad guy go home!" Label everything as either bad or good. There is no gray to right and wrong. And if something is bad, banish it from your presence.
9) "Mommy, say 'Bless you Thomas!'" Always acknowledge a sneeze. It doesn't matter that you're crossing four lanes of busy freeway traffic, you should not abandon common courtesy simply because you're preoccupied with other matters.
10) And finally, yesterday, a week from now and ten minutes from now might matter; but nothing is as important as this particular moment. So scream your head off until everyone around you recognizes the moment too.
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